Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
