Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
