BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
