i don't like sucking hair
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
