ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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