im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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