we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
