i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
they're like a gay fantastic four
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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