Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize