There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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