We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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