she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize