i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
