shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
