I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
