i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
