I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
