I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My bed smells like the plague
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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