Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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