Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
