im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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