it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
