I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
