i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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