my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
