Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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