the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
