If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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