It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
