Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize