Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
