dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
