It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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