I understand Curling. That high.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
