I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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