1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
