my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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