You really coming over, don't trick.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
