porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
pop tarts are not kleenex
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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