she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is Oprah even human
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize