I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
