dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
