she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
