I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
