I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I love having hate sex.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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