Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize