OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
