We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
where are my eyebrows?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
