The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
