also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
