Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
