matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
