shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
