Christians are straight up FREAKS
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
