Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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