chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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