i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
