this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you win again, gameday.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
