the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
