this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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