Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
