for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize