Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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