Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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