Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
